…the “mis-” word no one wants to hear…or talk about…1

I’m from Nigeria…well, not exactly…Ok, scratch this, I’m African. And if there’s one thing I know we don’t do, is announce pregnancy early. Till it starts to “show”, even then, they still deny it. I have a friend who lied about being pregnant, even when it was showing.

The thing about this is, we are a paranoid bunch, sometimes with good reason though, so we hide till we know, or believe the pregnancy cannot spontaneously “come down” or the dreaded word, be miscarried.

Yes, I said it, MISCARRIAGE. In my journey to becomingmummya, I used to remember being a child and saying how I’d get married at 22, have my first child at 23, then, have three more and be done before 30.  Hahaha!!! How God laughs at our plans sometimes.

First of all, I didn’t get married till I was 27, didn’t have baby A till I was a solid 28, and do not want four kids anymore…maybe just three now.

But, the real story here is believing a child will come just because you say it will. It doesn’t always work like that. And as my bible tells me, it will happen by the will of God (defo paraphrasing here).

When DH and I got married, we decided to wait at least 4-6 months before trying to have a baby. We had it calculated that the baby would come the month between our birthdays, May. So, I was on the pill and basically trying not to get pregnant till then. Actually, its difficult to get men to try…when they need to go, they need to go…lol.

So, we did our best, and then, I went off the pill and presto, in August, we found out we were pregnant, but, keeping it on the hush, till the 12 week mark, we planned.

But, by 6 and half weeks, one day in September, I had bad cramps, well, I didn’t know they were cramps per say, because, I never had period cramps. So, I googled!!! Then, they said its ok, as long as there’s no blood, or just little of it, because, at this stage, the walls of your cervix are preparing themselves, so, there’s a bit of blood, but, nothing significant.

So, I drove to work, and still felt uneasy, then, I went to pee and saw more blood than I was comfortable with. By the next day, I went to do a scan (in a rather seedy looking centre), and took it to the Dr (there was another Dr there now, not the one who referred me to that centre), and he said it read that the pregnancy was threatened, but, he didn’t trust that scan centre and referred me to another one. To be honest, I was defeated.

You know when you just know in your heart that its gone., well, that’s how I felt.

…Breastfeeding…nursing…bonding…

breastfeeding

As I watch her feed, suckling at my now ginormous boob, I feel nothing but love..,pure unadulterated love…for this little creature I have been gifted with.
Even on days when my nipples are chapped, cracked, stinging, downright hurting, I still can’t but have my heart filled with utter joy.
My best friend became Lansinoh® Lanolin ointment…twas my nipple crack.
Breastfeeding isn’t always pleasant. Suffice to say, I’ve had a rollercoaster ride with it, I just tighten my pants and brave through it, cos i know she needs it to be the healthy baby that she is.
The importance of breast milk cannot be over emphasized, and I’m grateful to go for the opportunity… the grace to continue at it.

Another plus, its helps your uterus contract(that pain is highly unpleasant, some days, I cried to a shaking mess, but I pressed on still). I’m back down to pre-pregnancy size, well, apart from my stomach jiggle and huge boobs(they are huge to me…from a size 32B to a 34C/D).

This doesn’t mean that some days, I just want to quit, I really do, but then, its not just about the nutrients, but, the time we spend together. Its like a love relationship. We stare at each other, smile at each other, gist with each other…in our babbles obviously. She makes my heart melt, even when she’s scratching my chest, or swinging her little fists at my mouth, or latching and de-latching, to the detriment of my sore nips. She makes me aware of perfection…she is perfect.

I will never be more amazed at the beauty of life…the beauty of God. We chose her name right…Mosijusewaoluwa. I open my eyes to the beauty of God.
When I’m angry, sad, broken, unbothered, or when I just don’t care about anything…I look at her and pick her up and know…this is God’s beauty. It can only be.
She makes me not even want to be anywhere but where she is. Even when I can’t sleep, cos I know she wants to nurse, even when sometimes, I just put her pacifier in her mouth to stop the crying, I still can’t help the urge to put her to the breast.
Sometimes, when she’s sleeping, I just want to pick her up to feed her, so, we can have our moment again…lol. It makes me feel like a crazy person…lol.

Some men or mothers will tell you to leave your baby to cry it out…balderdash!!!! I can and will not do that. No matter how tired I get, I will never feel remotely ok leaving her to “cry it out”. Honestly, each to his/her own method of parenting. I will nurse my little potato for as long as she needs to, 10 times outta 10.

Breast is best, but if one ever feels like its not for them, or they are having more of a terrible time than they can handle, its best to do what you can for your baby, sometimes, that’s giving formula.
I’ve struggled and might keep struggling, but, the best things don’t always come easy. When you do your best, I believe God will help with the rest.

I love my little potato. She’s 2 and half months now and becoming quite the chubster…she’s perfect!!!

Baby A is here…

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So… hi darling blog. I have the worst discipline when it comes to being online. Then why have a blog?? Well, I love writing, sometimes…lol

It’s been almost 5 months since my last entry and so much has happened since then. Best of all, I have a beautiful daughter now…baby A. She’s just over 2 weeks old, born on 22nd August, 2015. She’s pretty darn adorable.

So many things have gone on…and off during the last few months of my pregnancy till now. By my 6th month, the morning sickness eased up, it was just down to puking only when brushing in the morning, or extreme heat conditions.

The DH and I had a trip to England, which we thoroughly enjoyed, BABYMOON we called it. We stayed at Watford with my Aunt, with his cousin at Woolwich, with my cousin at her beautiful flat at Streatham and went to the Excel Centre for an architectural/design exhibition. This amongst many other places we got to visit.

Anyways, a lot of water has passed under the bridge, learnt a lot about tolerance, especially with the in-laws…phew!!! Point is, there is no family like my family, especially my sisters. But this blog is not about the in-laws, or sad times, it’s about my journey to being a mummy. Which I have missed so many key points of, but, I’ll try to be up to date now.

It’s been off to a rocky start.

with the birth: I more than anything wanted a natural birth, but ended up having to do a c-section because my Dr. thought my pelvis was too narrow and would give complications during birth. This made me very unhappy, but, I still had to do it. The recovery was not my best friend, but, we are 18 days post partum and not doing so badly now. My belly seems to have gone down quite considerably, because I have painstakingly decided to breastfeed exclusively…which brings me to my next point.

with breastfeeding: Started off extremely rocky, still is a bit of a challenge for now, but, I’m told it gets much better. My right breast still hasn’t caught on to the ease of it. I still get so much pain in it, which I hear isn’t normal, but, we are working at it. Every time she has to feed on the right breast, I’m not too pleased, but, it’s a choice I have decided to make, I want what’s best for her. Not saying formula fed babies aren’t healthy, but, BREAST IS BEST!!!

with my body: DH says it looks ok, but, obviously, I’m self conscious of my over-flap and belly tiger marks and the scar from my surgery. Yes, these are the things that remind you that you brought life into the world, but, you also want to remain nice and sexy for the husband, not just letting oneself go.

The worst part is that I had to cut baby A’s hair…it upset my sooouuuul. DH is a Muslim and was told he had to cut it. DHM was going to come do it, but, she hasn’t been the best of people, so, I didn’t welcome her or the idea. I figure, let the owner of the child do it. However, he couldn’t bring himself to doing it, so, I had to do it myself, crying all the while. I will never forget how I felt…NEVER!!!

Right now, baby A is sleeping away, preparing to keep me up at night. The nights are stressful sometimes. Yesterday was, however, better than the night before. The only problem for me is not really waking up, but the pain of breastfeeding. Once it gets better, I will feel much better. I cannot for the life of me, remember where I put my nipple cream. I need to find it A.S.A.P!!!!!!!!

DH usually sleeps through it. I let him for now because my mum is here to help, but, when she leaves, he has to start getting up. He didn’t get any paternity leave…and he works with his dad oh… (didn’t get insurance either)…so much for family.

Anyways, we’re in a new flat, with a new family member, starting out our lives anew. Hopefully, only new and blessed things will come our way…

Love always

xx

…what we are never told about bringing life…

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This is the beginning of my pregnancy diary, tho, I am almost 16weeks gone now…yes, its been tough to even start or keep one.

I have truly realized that the experience is very different for different people. Mine has been less than pleasant. Its simply the thought of bringing forth life sometimes that makes me feel less ill towards it.

I think from the moment I truly realized that i was pregnant was when the complications started. Just when I thought I’d start to enjoy it. Well, let me not say complications, more like regular difficulties. But, ive had rather severe ones.

I feel like Mrs Morning Sickness… Some people are like, “Oh yes, I threw up…it subsided after a while”. They forget to mention it could take up to 3-6 months, some throughout. Sigh!!! Im in the 4th-ish month, and here I am, making noise for the neighbourhood, with my beastly-like sounds. I imagine people think there’s a mini monster living in my house…cos I do sometimes. Still can’t tolerate sooooo many things, yet, I figure I’m terribly hungry for them…and lots more.

I think of all the things I feel like eating or making myself, and I’m so sad, cos, alas, that’s wishful thinking for now. I have had to be put on bed rest, so, thats semi-quitting work. Taken…even begged for injections and drips. I couldnt walk straight for a while, because I had laid down so much.

I haven’t washed my hair since last year. I just took out kinks I had since December, cos I knew I wouldnt have the time for my less-than-tamed fro. Which seems to have grown longer. I could show you, but, I have picture phobia (whatever that’s truly called) for now.

In the midst of all this, I lost my biggest support system. My Grandpa. It hurt so much for so many reasons. Majorly how he spoke about, with such eagerness, the desire to see me pregnant. But, I guess he has a much better view now, I’ll just never know his thoughts.

So yes, everyone’s experience is truly different.

So, don’t feel alone if you are going through similar situations. I dare not say worse, because, I cannot, for the life of me, imagine anything worse. I don’t pray that on anyone.

I’m very stubborn, so alot of what has been advised to me, even by professionals, has fallenon deaf, unwilling ears.

“Eat as much as you can, even though you throw up”- I doubt I listened much to that.

Vomiting is less than pleasant for me. But in truth, its very good advice, something always remains for your little one to munch munch.

“Wake up early to eat, then you can go back to sleep” – another great advice, except, this lady hates to be disturbed, for any reason. Though, its better, cos you finally get up less hungry.

Fluids…fluids…fluids!!! No contests to this. You don’t want your little one, and yourself dehydrated.

FOLIC ACID!!! Once again, I admit I skipped on a few days, but, never ever ever underestimate the power of folic acid on your baby. Everyone everywhere will tell you how important it is. And they are incy-binsy tablets anyway.

Don’t skip on your scans, ante-natals, required shots. Even when you are tired and weak, these help you monitor your child’s growth and effectively prevent any unwanted mishaps.

Yes, there are and will be days that you do not want to even look past your eyelids, but, go and check your baby out. So when that chubby checker comes, you feel and know you did your best.

Have a good support system around you. Even if its one person, its so important…all the best if its your husband/partner. I’m not saying single moms are left aside, NO!!! That’s why I said, “all the best”. In the absence of a partner, for whatever reason, a trusted person also works.

And I say this because I have a sister who is pregnant also, a single mom, and given the chance, even though she might not say in so many words, she would really rather not.

I’ve had such great support from my husband, who is not Mr Emotional, but, never ceases to say how beautiful or sexy I still am, or how he knows we will be great parents, or how my puking seems to not even affect him in anyway (this baffles me immensely).

Even when I cry, which I have done a lot of, he just tells me it’ll pass. He still wants to take me out, and doesnt care if I’ll puke all over the place. He can’t get over how the boobies seem to be growing, even when I couldn’t care less.

T

he only unpleasant thing is how I lost weight drastically and lost my bum with it…lol. Very unhappy for him.

My mother inlaw, God bless her. I owe her moregrand babies, though I was initially running from it. She’s a nurse and really nurtured me…with tough love at times…like I said, I’m extra stubborn.

My father inlaw, the joker…he’s been amazing. My husband’s family, well…they are mine too.

My whole family!!! My mama, who cleaned my puke, washed my face, squeezed my hand, hugged while I balled my eyes out…even whilst dealing with the loss of her dad (she being the youngest).

My sisters who called and checked on me often, even through the teasings…we will all have ours (to the ones who don’t yet). And the male cousin, who endured it all. You have my heart forevermore.

Pregnancy isn’t easy, and I expect Parenthood is no walk in the park either. If you’re not married or truly ready for it, don’t rush into it, because you NEED support. It cannot be overstated.

If I didn’t mention it before, I’ve saved the best for last…TRUST GOD. He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it, even until the very end. He will never ever give more than we can handle. And that thought and belief has kept me going. I’m not overly spiritual, but, I believe in a God who has never and will never fail on His promises.

So, when it gets hard, don’t think He has left, no NEVER!! He’s watching and preparing you, and holding your hand all through.

This is my first post, so I guess future posts might not be this

long. I can’t wait for 20 weeks, hopefully, allllllll forms of sickness will be totally gone.

Love…x x